Chemotherapy Day 1

Our cohort of 8 patients has been divided into two groups of 4, group 1 and group 2. I am in group 2. Group 1 is a day ahead of us in their chemo treatment, so they completed the first dose yesterday and the second dose this morning.  This means we get to watch what’s coming. One member of their group is having a difficult time, but everyone else seems to be doing okay.

I spoke with many people before I left about my intention during treatment to do meditation, at least at the beginning of each treatment day, visualizing the cells in my body that will be removed by the chemotherapy and holding them with gratitude, acknowledging how they have always been trying to do their best for me.  I also had the intention of visualizing the molecules of the chemotherapy coming in as an ally and welcoming them, also with gratitude. When my sister went through chemotherapy many years ago, she chose to not think of her chemotherapy as poison but instead as a friend, a team member, an ally. That has stuck with me all this time and has inspired me.

I entered the chemotherapy room with all the objects I had been given, on my body, touching me in some way. I brought my eye cover and my headphones, and I found a Pandora yoga channel with peaceful background music. I queued up the channel, put my earbuds in, pressed play and pulled my eye cover down.

What happened in that hour that I spent meditating was beautiful and profound, unplanned and unexpected. As I started visualizing the cells in my blood it became a dance of sorts where the chemotherapy cells would meet with the blood cells, bow in honor and blessing, then pick them up in their arms to carry them where they needed to go. It was stunning.

At some point the objects that were on my body, connected to the people who had touched them and infused them with intention, seemed to evoke all of you. Into my bloodstream came the people that I love, so clear and vivid. Small faces and bodies started to help the chemotherapy drugs with their work of bowing, honoring, and carrying off. They seemed to be there with giddy joy and playfulness. Next, these mini spirits chose to travel to the lesions in my brain and work to clean them or prepare them for healing. I literally pictured them with spray bottles and cloth wiping down the edges, sending them care and love to be ready for what’s to come.

I was in tears under my eye cover and so full of gratitude for each and every one of you out there supporting me. I named everyone in my thoughts and saw your faces.

After, we went out for dinner on the roof deck together as a group and shared a lot of getting to know you stories. So far, I am not having side effects, but we are on heavy duty prophylactic medication. Some people from group 1 reported having some nausea in the night but not too bad. I’ve had a couple of hot flashes, but heck I’m used to that.

Fingers crossed that the night goes smoothly. We get up early for round 2 at 8 AM tomorrow.